


getting better

by pipsqueakparker (lafbaeyette)



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Carrying, Early Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Parkour, Piggyback Rides, Post-Canon, Wistful Wandering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 08:43:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18961804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafbaeyette/pseuds/pipsqueakparker
Summary: Baz could see that Simon was coming back. He was beginning to act more and more like himself as the days went on. He still had some off days, but he also had days in which they walked through the park and he talked Baz’s ear off about some new show he and Penny had found, or about this song he heard, and he’d even talk magic sometimes. He couldn’t use any, obviously, but sometimes he’d talk about it. And sometimes he’d just....——AKA, The One Where Simon Just Wants to Be a Fool In Love





	getting better

**Author's Note:**

> i can not get these two out of my head or my heart so take this 
> 
> thank you to everyone that left kudos or commented on my last fic! you all really encouraged me to finish and post this one, and i really hope you enjoy it. <3

It was getting easier to get Simon out of the flat, a few months after the  Incident . He was slowly getting better and would spend some days out at the shops, or even go to museums with Baz and Penny. 

His favorite place by far to go was this little park just around the corner from his and Penny’s flat. He and Penny would go have lunch there sometimes, and he and Baz would have dates there. 

That was still something to get used to, something pleasant, though. 

He was  _dating_   Baz. 

Things were a little... tense for a while, it was hard getting used to just being alive without magic, and with permanent wings and a tail (honestly, that part was weirdly easy to get used to). A few months had passed. A few months full of therapy, being forced to talk about his feelings, and honestly that may have been the only reason Baz was still in the picture. 

Not that Baz would have ever walked, Baz was there for the long haul. He was loyal. He wasn’t going to leave Simon Snow, unless he was asked to.

But there was a moment that Simon wanted to ask him to. 

He didn’t want to put Baz through that, dealing with him and all of his shit. Though his therapist suggested he was trying to punish himself, to self-sabotage. 

Because what did come out in therapy was that he needed Baz. Not, like, in a dependency way. But in a... in a loving way? Not that he couldn’t live without him, but he didn’t  want to. He loved Baz, not that he could quite tell him that yet, but now he was very aware of it. And it made things better, he stopped trying to push him away and instead pulled him closer. 

And they went on  _dates_ . 

Often to the park. 

And Baz could see that Simon was coming back. He was beginning to act more and more like himself as the days went on. He still had some off days, but he also had days in which they walked through the park and he talked Baz’s ear off about some new show he and Penny had found, or about this song he heard, and he’d even talk magic sometimes. He couldn’t use any, obviously, but sometimes he’d talk about it. And sometimes he’d just....

“Parkour!” 

Jump around, kicking himself up onto a bench and back on the ground, and generally act like a doofus. Baz rolled his eyes as Simon ran up to a tree, stepped onto the root, and jumped back off in front of him. 

“Parkour!”

Baz continued to roll his eyes as he followed behind Simon, shaking his head and just generally acting unamused with his antics, but honestly it was nice to see him playing around. He was smiling, and laughing, and that’s all Baz had wanted for him since everything went down with the Mage and the Humdrum. 

Simon jumped onto another bench, but instead of jumping back down and screaming another ‘parkour!’, he started waving his hand frantically.

“Baz, c’mere!” 

Baz obliged, stepping up to the bench in front of Simon, now standing several inches below him. He didn’t often get to appreciate Simon from this perspective, what with being taller than him (which he quite enjoyed because he knew it drove Simon mad - him being taller). 

“Carry me home,” Simon demanded in a non-demanding tone, throwing his arms around Baz’s shoulders and dropping his weight onto the other. Baz yelped, surprised by the sudden weight of his boyfriend (shite,  _boyfriend_ ) but he obviously had no trouble holding the other up. 

“I’m not your chauffeur, Snow,” Baz complained, though he didn’t make a move to put Simon on the ground. Simon’s arms were wrapped tight around his neck, face buried in his shoulder, and Baz gripped Simon around his waist. 

“That’s precisely what you are, Baz.” Simon leaned his head back and grinned at him. He dropped his feet to the ground, his arms moving from Baz’s shoulders to his waist. “Fine, then I’ll get you.” 

“Snow, what are you doing?” Baz couldn’t fight the laugh that came forth, just one sharp laugh as Simon tried to lift him by the waist. 

“Trying to get you to loosen up,” Simon admitted. “You’ve been watching me all day with this serious face, and I get it, we’ve gone through hell - but I’m feeling good today, and I just want to be with you and have  fun with you, can you drop the mopey vampire thing for one evening?” 

“I am not mopey,” Baz argued. Simon tilted his head, he tried to mock Baz’s signature raised brow. Baz sighed. “I just care about you, you numpty. I want you to be alright.” 

“I am,” Simon insisted. He had given up on lifting Baz, instead holding tightly to his shoulders and hoping he could convince him with his eyes. He knew Baz was weak for his eyes. “Today, I am.” 

Baz studied his face for any sign of that not being true, but he knew it was. He had known since he showed up and found Simon making pancakes, he knew as he watched the monster devour said pancakes in a vat of syrup, and he knew the entire time they spent in the park. Simon was talkative, he was laughing and cracking the worst jokes, and he’d sidle up close and press his lips to Baz’s cheek or neck or temple. 

Baz leaned forward and caught his lips in a gentle kiss, one hand lifting to cup Simon’s cheek. He moved away quickly, Simon nearly lost his balance at the sudden loss of his lips. Baz had turned around, back facing him. 

“What are you-?”

“Go on then, you wanted me to carry you.” Baz looked over his shoulder, catching the confusion on Simon’s face. “Ever heard of a piggyback ride, Snow?” 

Simon didn’t hesitate any longer. He jumped onto Baz’s back, which may have sent him off balance if it weren’t for his supernatural strength. Baz clutched Simon’s legs behind his knees and started walking. The sun was even lower now, it was almost night and they were the only two left in the park. Simon wrapped his arms loosely around Baz’s neck, leaning forward over his shoulder until he could press his cheek to Baz’s. 

“Wow, Baz, you’re so strong.” He could hear the grin in Simon’s voice, and it took everything in him to fight the smile off his face. He had appearances to uphold. “Merlin, what’s it going to take to get you to smile?” Simon sighed in his ear, but quieted down for a minute as Baz continued carrying him across the park.

“Wait, wait, go this way,” Simon eventually spoke again, pulling at the shoulder of Baz’s jacket to urge him to the right. 

“I’m not a horse, Snow, use your words.” Baz grumbled. 

“I did,” Simon argued. “The pond.” Baz veered to the right, heading toward a small body of water near the center of the park. Once they were a few metres away Simon climbed off of Baz’s back, opting to take his hand and pull him toward the bank of the pond instead. 

“I thought we were going back to the flat,” Baz said, letting Simon lead him. 

“Can we sit here for a little?” Simon looked at him, questioning, more serious than he had been just moments ago. Baz nodded and Simon dropped down, crossing his legs and looking across the pond. It wasn’t very big, but they could hear a few frogs starting to croak around the area. It was early summer, so it was still quite warm despite the setting sun, and the night was a bit louder with nature. There may not be much in a city, but this was one place they could find a reprieve. It wasn’t the biggest park, but it was enough. 

Baz sat next to Simon, who immediately moved even closer, thighs pressed together, and rested his hand on Baz’s knee. 

“It’s still kind of mental, yeah? Us?” 

Baz tilted his head, lifted a brow. It used to make Simon so frustrated his skin would crawl, but now it had a similar effect in a much different way. 

“It’s not the worst development, in my opinion.”Baz laid his hand over Simon’s, lacing their fingers together. “I’m certainly not complaining.”

“No, no, me either, it’s just...” Simon trailed off. Baz waited for him to continue for several seconds before realizing he wasn’t going to. He let it go. Simon had turned his attention back out to the water. Baz turned his attention to Simon, eyes sweeping over his face slowly, as if he were trying to remember every mole, every line. As if he didn’t already have it memorized. 

“You’re staring.” Simon turned back to him, the corner of his lips turned up in a smile. Baz couldn’t help it anymore, and he didn’t want to, he let his own smile take over as he absorbed the rest of his face, presented when Simon turned. It looked like Simon was going to say more, but he didn’t, he just let himself take in this still unfamiliar smiling Baz in front of him. 

“You’re staring,” Baz said many moments later. Simon’s eyes snapped up to his like he’d not realized it, a flush forming beneath his cheeks and a nervous laugh escaping his lips. Baz laughed as well, and before they knew it they were both falling onto their backs in the grass laughing at nothing, at each other, at the night and at their lives and at how ridiculous it somehow felt to just be sitting here in a park in London just months after something so... so tragic, so life-altering. 

Simon inched closer to Baz as their laughter calmed down, curling into his side and resting his head on Baz’s chest. Baz wrapped his arm around Simon, trailing his fingers across his shoulder, bicep, forearm, and back. 

“I love you, you know?” Simon’s voice was soft, quiet, so unlike he usually was which made Baz’s heart jump even more when he heard and processed what had just been said. Simon forged ahead before he could say anything. “We talk about it a lot, in therapy. Not a lot, a lot, I guess - but enough. I didn’t really realize it for a while. I mean, I obviously fancied you and quite enjoyed snogging you - still do - but, there’s more. And it’s weird, yeah? We were enemies for so long, I thought you wanted to kill me, but... I guess it was part of repressing the gay part of me? I mean, actually, no, it wasn’t fully that. I truly thought you wanted to kill me sometimes. I - I don’t know, we’re honestly still working through a lot of that. But... one thing I’ve completely drawn the conclusion to: I love you. In ways I wanted to love Agatha but just never did. Actually, I enjoy snogging you more than I did her, too.”

This may have been the most Baz had heard Simon say since the Incident. Maybe ever? Simon was very good at babbling, but this was different. He was definitely babbling, but it wasn’t like he was just nervously talking, or trying to fill the silence, or anything like that. He was just... talking, and opening up, and letting Baz in, and expressing how he felt. And Baz was almost too proud for this moment of growth to realize that he had been given a space to respond and still hadn’t said anything several long seconds later. 

“Have you finished?” Baz asked. His sarcastic tone was a defense mechanism that he couldn’t control and even he winced when it came out. Simon was the one in therapy, Baz was still struggling to really get out what he was feeling. After years and years of pining and burying everything down so deeply, it felt strange to just... let it out. He felt more than saw Simon nod, then brought his other hand up to take Simon’s hand on his chest. “I’ve never heard you so eloquent. Well, nearly.” 

“That’s not quite the reaction I was hoping for to a confession of love.” Simon murmured.

“Of course I feel the same way, you absolute numpty.” Baz sighed. “I’m not nearly so expressive as you, therapy’s done you well. But I do. Love you. As well.” 

Simon lifted his head, rolling onto his belly and propping himself up on his elbow to look at Baz. “You do?” 

Baz rolled his eyes. “Of course. You’re an absolute terror, do you think I’d still be here if I didn’t?” 

Simon shrugged, dropping his eyes. “Sometimes I feel like it may be guilt.” 

“Guilt?”

“Yeah. That... that maybe you feel guilty, or just feel bad for me, for what happened. And that’s why you stay.”

“Simon.” Baz put a hand on Simon’s cheek, making the other boy look him in the eye. “That’s not true. I want to be here. With you. I chose this, I _chose_ you .” 

“I know.” Simon’s voice was so low, barely a whisper. 

“Do you?” 

“Of course.” Simon pursed his lips. “Logically, I mean, I know. Sometimes... sometimes my mind isn’t so logical.” 

Baz sat up, pulling Simon up with him and cradling his face between both hands. They were cool against Simon’s cheeks, and he leaned into them. Baz’s eyes were wide, his voice serious, urgent. 

“Simon, I need you to know that I’m here because I  want you. I want you so badly, more than I’ve wanted anything or anyone. It’s not out of pity, or guilt, or anything but complete,  _true_   love.” 

Simon nodded, wrapped his fingers around Baz’s wrists and pressed his face further into one of his palms. Baz launched forward to kiss him, just as urgently as he had been speaking, because maybe this could get his point across. Maybe this could be the convincing factor, if he could just pour every ounce of love he had for Simon Snow into this kiss. 

It was just like casting magic, the way he reached deep for this well of love and tried to harness and push it all out through his lips. Once it started it flowed, almost feeling like too much, and his lips were beginning to tingle as they slid against Simon’s, as this endless stream of love and compassion and lust and some emotions he couldn’t even identify just poured out of him. Out of him and into Simon, into their kiss. He tried to press it down with his lips, lock it in with his fingertips pressing into Simon’s skin, pour enough in that Simon would never need to question any of it. Enough that Simon couldn’t question his intentions again, that he could only know that this was real, that this was true, that this was  love .

Simon broke away first, chest heaving as if he had forgotten to breathe the entire time. He probably did, and it made Baz laugh softly. Baz’s lips still tingled, but he felt less like he was overflowing. Was this what it felt like for Simon before? With his magic? To have all of this... pressure building up and suddenly flowing out of him like a current, being soaked up by another like a sponge, until enough had been lost and he felt like he could breathe again? Was this what it was like for Simon when they faced the dragon, or that night in their room? 

“What was that?” Simon whispered. 

“I love you.” Baz said. “I need you to _know_ that .” 

“I do.” Simon pressed his forehead to Baz’s, fingers tightening around his wrists. “I  _do_ .”

They sat silently for a while longer, eyes closed, foreheads together, energies mingling between them. 

“We should head back.” Baz finally broke the silence, dropping one of his hands and running the other through Simon’s curls. “Bunce may start to think I’ve finally done you in.”

They stood, finally making their way to the park exit, hand in hand. Their walk back to the flat was silent, a comfortable silence, more as if they were just basking in being with each other. Baz walked Simon right up to the door like a gentleman, kissed him gently on the lips, the cheek, the forehead. 

“It’s late.” Simon curled his fingers around the lapels of Baz’s jacket, not letting him move away. “You should stay over.” 

“I’m not sure Bunce would be on board with that.” Baz laughed. It’s not that he wanted to say no, but he didn’t want to get on Penelope Bunce’s bad side. Not now, not when Simon needed them both and thus they needed to get on well. 

“She won’t mind.” Simon insisted. “It’s late, I can’t rightly send you off at this hour.” 

“I think I can handle the drive back to Fiona’s.” 

“I would like it. If you stayed.” Simon leaned in closer. 

“I shouldn’t.” Baz placed his hands at Simon’s waist. 

The door to Simon and Penelope’s flat swung open, revealing a sleep-mussed Penny, hair pulled into a messy ponytail and pajamas wrinkled. 

“Would you just get your arses inside so we can lock up and I can get some actual sleep.” Penny shifted her loving glare between the two of them before grabbing Simon’s sleeve and dragging him inside. “C’mon, you, too, Basil.” 

“I can -  _oh_ !“ 

Baz’s argument was cut off by Penny’s hand grabbing the sleeve of his jacket and tugging him over the threshold. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Basil, it’s late and you’re already here. Text your aunt if you must, but you’re staying over.” Penny shut and latched the door then turned back to face Baz. “And you’re welcome to stay over anytime. I’m not Simon’s mother, I won’t police who he can and cannot have in the flat. Just... be respectful. And aware of your... volume.” 

Simon’s face turned beet red and Baz nearly choked at the implication. Penny smirked and started toward her room, calling out an innocent ‘goodnight’ over her shoulder. 

Simon took Baz’s hand again and led him to his room. He was back to joking, messing around, and Baz knew they were going to be okay. Maybe not every day, but overall, they would be okay.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hey pals thanks so much for reading! lemme know what ya think in a comment! leave kudos if you want more of these lovely fools! 
> 
> if you want to talk about these dumb boys come find me on tumblr, @pipsqueakparker - let me know your opinions on their zodiac signs cause that’s all i’ve been thinking about for days now 
> 
> thanks again friends!


End file.
